Chips and Dip
by LittleFanGirl
Summary: "Mels, I'm just dip to you aren't I?".   Major OOC crack fic. NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Implied MXM and MXN. T for safety.


**This IS a carackfic, and it IS majorly OOC. **

**TAKE NOTHING IN IT SERIOUSLY!**

**It actually came about when I was with a friend of mine...We were returning home from Toys 'R' Us© and were RPing a little bit. That friend is none other then **Hanshen's Postcard**, and she played the excellent part of Mello ^_^**  
**It HAS been altered slightly as my memory isn't great, although the 'chips and dip' speech is almost exactly the same...Think I'm going crazy to be honest :D**

**((Written in about 10 minutes so please don't flame, it's honestly only meant as a joke :D ))  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, if i did there would be a lot more creepy/crazy scenes like the one I've written below :')**

**P.S Just to clear up...By'chips' I don't mean the potato chips that Raito eats in a creepy (but awesome) way, I mean french fries. And the 'dips' are things like ketchup, BBQ sauce..Whatever your preference XD  
**

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Many dirty, strange and/or inquisitive looks were directed towards the pair as they walked...No...as they shuffled and waddled down the streets. And with good reason. One was clad in white pajamas and clutching a rather melted looking optimus prime figurine, whereas the other was dressed in leather, far too tight to cover his heavily pregnant body tastefully. Yes. His.

I am fully aware that it is scientifically and biologically impossible for a male to become pregnant, but i'm the author and i'm in charge. So for the sake of this fic; Mello is very much pregnant...With his second child...

Having enjoyed a rather eventful day at Toys 'R' Us the two were returning home, they shuffled and waddled in silence, in blissful ignorance to the looks others were giving them. (Mello was busy waddling and trying not to trip over feet he couldn't see and Near's attention was focused on mourning Optimus. (Whom Mello had toasted in a microwave.))

Of course it was Near who broke the silence.

"Mels, I'm just dip to you aren't I?"

Mello was silent for a while, trying to think of a way to respond.

"What?" I never said it was going to be a good way to respond...

Unlike Mello had, Near continued almost as soon as the older boy's sentance (If it can be called that) was finished.

"Well...Matt's like the chips and I'm the dip..." Near paused, obviously expecting Mello to jump onto his train of thought. The train was going to fast.

"Wait..What?" Mello asked again. A sigh left Near's lips and he proceeded to sit on a nearby bench, soon followed by Mello.

"'Cause Matt's the main meal and I'm just the side order, you obviously prefer Matt plus you have a kid with him - Making me a side order. And dips are optional but you get the chips anyway...You can have chips on their own or you can combine them with dip, but you can't have dip on it's own."

"Umm...I think i get it?" Mello said, only really 43% sure of what Near was talking about.

"And dips are optional...Most people don't even want or need the dip. But you NEED the chips, or it's not a meal is it? Only 27% of people actually try the dip and a further 81% of that original 27% only get it for appearances or decide they don't really like the dip and just throw it away. Noone really likes the dip Mello."

By now, (Being the genius that he is) Mello had grasped what Near meant.

"Near, is this your way of asking me to commit? Again? Because i've told you...It's the same with Matt...You can't change me!"

"But I've changed for you Mels!"

"WELL I NEVER ASKED YO-"

"Yeah you actually did..." Near butted in, (Rather rudely actually.)

"Oh...yeeaaahhh..." Mello whispered.

Before Mello could stop him, Near was off raving about chips and dip again.

"It's obvious you love Matt more then you do me...Hence he's the chips. I know you get a lot of dip but it's never necessary is it? You wouldn't have dip on it's own...I wouldn't and i AM the dip." Near paused for thought and Mello took hold of the oppurtunity to speak.

"But i have more dip then i do chips..." Mello spoke quietly, unsure of what to say to a lunatic comparing himself to sauce.

"No...You have 6-8 containers of sauce and an estimate of 50-60 chips...As i said no one really WANTS the dip, they get stuck with it. You are the exception, but even then you'd rather have the chips then the dip, no one wants a plate of sauce for din-"

Now it was Mello's turn to butt in. (Obviously it's not rude when Mello does it cause he's bad-ass.)

"NEAR!" Mello shouted. (Mainly to get the albino's attention. When Near averted his gaze from the grass ahead of him and turned to face him, Mello roughly grabbed the younger boy's face in his hands and looked him directly in the eye.

"Near..." Mello's voice was soft and soothing. "I drink ketchup out the bottle..."

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**Teehee...Soo...Team 'Chips' or team 'Dip'? **

**Curious as to what y'all think so reviews are appreciated :D  
**


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